Foe tha Love of $: "
I got an email this weekend from a guy about how some girl I never heard of from one of these VH1 shows with Ray J did a pr0n. I didn’t think anything of it, because like I said, the girl wasn’t anyone I’d ever heard of - and I know the names of a number of girls who do pr0n. For all I know, half of the girls on these shows on VH1 where hoo-ers compete to get it on with the likes of Flavor Flav and Ray J could be in pr0n. They’ve definitely done something strange for some change at some point in their lives.

It’s a Monday morning, so I checked World Star to see if there’s a new cam hoo-er video, or if they’ve finally decided to throw in the towel, as they should, after the past several weeks now of girls I would send home, like a young Tom Cruise in Risky Business[||], if an escort agency sent them to my house. I just hope they were all girls. I didn’t find a new cam hoo-er video, but you know what I did find - an episode of BangBros with Caviar from VH1, whoever that is.

It looks like they put the trailer up yesterday (free trailers on pr0n sites are the tits, though I’m sure I don’t need to tell you pervs), and today they went ahead and put up a 10 minute version of the scene. Lest you were afraid that they only put up the first 10 minutes, where the girl pretends she’s never done this before, and the guy has some asinine conversation with the cameraman, as if anyone could give a rat’s ass, you can rest assured that this 10 minute version includes all of the major plot points, if you will, from the film. I wonder if they cut it down like that because it’s copyrighted, and they figured this edited version would be legal under the fair use doctrine (if that’s at all applicable here), or if they thought that hosting the full 45 minute version would be too much of a drain on their servers. They don’t pay to host this shit anyway, do they? They must be making money hand over fist.

I took a look at the 10 minute version, not because I had a few hours before I have to check out of this hotel and it seemed like as good an idea as any, but for the sake of hip-hop journalism. For the past few years now I’ve been at the forefront of exploring the nexus between hip-hop and pr0n, whether it’s cam hoo-er videos on World Star, or that time Noreaga was on an episode of the Penny Show, and didn’t even get a blowski or anything, and afterwards may have even tried to claim he didn’t realize it was pr0n (relax, bro, she’s definitely a woman, she’s just Asian), or that time Gianna Michaels was in a music video for some weird juggalo bullshit, and didn’t even get naked, she just kinda stood there, like a sweaty stack of pancakes. I actually kind liked that video. I thought it was classy. It’s just, I’m not sure if I would have felt right paying for it. We would have had to shoot some b-roll footage.

I have to hand it to Caviar, or Bethany Benz, or whatever her name is (a black chick named Bethany? Come on, son) - as far as these things go, her pr0n film wasn’t half that bad. She’s not the kind of woman I typically check for in pr0n (alert the NAACP), and indeed I hadn’t been aware that BangBros has a site called Brownbunnies, even though I’ve got that password I received via formspring, in what could very well be the best gift I ever receive. I followed up with that guy, and apparently it wasn’t even the work of some haX0r. It might even be paid for. And I felt like I should point that out, because my worse fear is that I’m gonna wake up one day and it’s not gonna work, before I’ve saved all of the especially good ones (only the top 600 or so) to my hard drive. It would be like my wife dying, if I had a wife. You know how sometimes a man’s wife dies, and the guy ends up dying within the space of a year. My life could be in danger.

You know, as much as I like the idea of a pr0n film being a chick’s first time, or only like her fifth time or some shit, there’s something to be said for a good ol’ fashioned pro. It’s the central idea behind a certain kind of Islam (in case it’s necessary to pretend there’s more than one): do you blow yourself up now and go for 78 chicks who’ve never done this before, or do you stay alive and take your chances with a woman who’s been around the block a few times. I’d opt for the latter, if only because I know for a fact that it’s real, but that’s just me. I’ve never been much of a believer. Caviar aka Bethany Benz has clearly been around the block a few times. Without getting too graphic, in case any young kids read this site, you can tell from the amount of man she’s able to handle. A lot of women struggle with a man that girthy, for lack of a better term. Or so I’ve been told. It’s a known fact that black women are more narrow in the nether regions than white women, and because black men are packing more heat, it’s one of the many reasons the Swirl is such a good idea.

You could always find yourself a black chick who’s been stretched out, so to speak, from years of experience, but then you never know where she’s been.